I returned to work from office a while back and it was really hard to keep up my social energy high enough. First day I did ok with the excitement of meeting new people aiding me but it was downhill ever since. Showing up to work is itself a huge chore, and the societal obligation to socialise with people at the workplace all the time, is even bigger chore.
For more context, I only used to maintain very small circle of people I talk to in my uni and college days. Ignoring others was kinda ok at that time but doesn’t seem like so here in corporate space.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to be more free and connect with more people and have bigger circles, I want to improve my social skills too. But at the same time, it very taxing and almost makes me to shut off myself and avoid going to places where people who recognise me.
I think it might be helpful to really drill into what you want vs what you’re experiencing. You state you have a desire to grow socially, but your attempts to do so have left you feeling symptoms of burnout.
More information about what you feel is expected of you, socially, at work, and what the specific triggers for your negative emotional reactions are would be useful to identify strategies to ameliorate those responses.
Doing some real specious armchair psychoanalysis here, but you’re statement that you do not want to be somewhere where you might be recognized indicates to me, specious armchair psychologist extraordinare, that you perhaps have some self-esteem issues which are going to be a significant impediment to socializing in any context, let alone work. I’m casting aspersions from within my glass house here, but in the worst troughs of my depression, I rationalize self-isolation as a protective measure so that I don’t have to converse with anyone about my life, since I’m not proud of anything I’ve done in those moments. It’s only when I get myself back into a headspace where I have things in my life that I’m excited about and want to share with people that socialization begins to look attractive again. If any of that rings true with you, you might recalibrate your focus from trying to force yourself to enjoy your professional social life and instead focus on the thing that’s actually holding you back from making that a reality.
Good luck, and I hope you find a solution.
You are under no obligation to go to office social events. Keep your work life and personal life separate if that is what makes you feel most comfortable. I moved to a new city 2 years ago and will be moving in the summer. I have exactly one friend from work.
I keep my social life playing videogames with my sister and some friends from grad school a few times per week. It’s much better than forcing myself to socialize with people I would otherwise want to spend time with.
I don’t.
Yeah, I regularly ignore people. Lol
I sit in the corner by myself on break and when assholes ask me why I respond with ‘it’s my break’.
You can’t force it. Just be you. It’s better to be comfortable with a few people you like and simply avoid draining your energy on others. Just be open to letting a few people in “your world” to test out your social battery and build tolerance.
I just drink coffee until I feeling like I need to claw my skin off.
You have to shout to gather and control your ki. If you’re doing it right you’ll gain a red fiery aura, and in turn, your whole body and clothes might bristle and turn a reddish tint.
I don’t. I’m one of two software people at a manufacturing company of 60-70 employees, so I just get to sit in the corner and do my work, then leave at the end of the day. Honestly the best part of my job.
I kind of just set the bar that “this” is the level of enthusiasm and energy you can expect from me – I’m not a cheerleader.
Improving your social skills is a valid goal. But in the context of a workplace – make sure it’s aligned. Will people listen to you and your guidance on a project? Have you built up enough rapport to delegate or assign work? Etc.
But in the context of a workplace – make sure it’s aligned.
Oh if it’s work related, I’d be more than happy to talk.
In my post I am talking about the interactions we are forced to have during the breaks. And people don’t like you talking about work during break too. At times, wish I could disappear during breaks. This is why wfh is so much better.
If possible - feel free to go on walks by yourself during breaks or go listen/watch something under a tree nearby but out of sight. Maybe find a coworker or two to go on walks with you.
You don’t have to go 100% social or antisocial - but maybe sprinkling in one or the other could help re-energize.
I typically have on-sites once a quarter and 4 days of meetings and dinners can be quite a swing from my usual remote hermit lifestyle. In addition to sporadic walk breaks between meetings, I will try to duck out an hour or two before we all go out for dinner – my coworkers are pretty understanding that I’m using this time to recharge or run/workout.
this. of course you have to be polite and cooperative in work related issues, but the rest are your personal relationships. that’s up to you to decide who goes beyond being a colleague and gets to be an acquaintance or friend. if you want to decompress on your breaks, go for a walk or pick something to do that tells other people you’re having time for yourself, such as reading a book, listening to music or taking a nap.
This is a trick question in my case. I have the energy but not the ability. My mind has no idea how to respond to things if those things don’t have a set answer, at least in time for the conversation to not be dead. So people don’t typically try with me.
I know it very well. In my experience the best way to coop with it, is by being open about that you have the need of loading social energy. Be sure to know how you best can get your social battery full again, so that they know, that you need thus break. In that way they will, (if they are good colleagues) not see it like you don’t like or want the people around you.
Be sure to know how you best can get your social battery full again
Yep that’s a thing I am trying to figure out too. As of now, I think my social energy levels are coinciding with my body energy levels, that is, right after I eat my breakfast or lunch.
Oh this is interesting. I never wondered what works for me, I’ll be paying attention.
I work in tech. I go to things but im a big nerd and you can tell us from the other folks for our lack of social skills but there are a lot of us and we still talk a bit we just aren’t outgoing. I make my appearance. Eat and talk a bit and leave at the earliest socially acceptable point which is usually after any kind of activity happens like a dinner or some entertainer or some corpo speech or whatever. Day to day I go to my cube when im in office and I do my work going to pick up refreshements or using the bathroom as needed and I either find a quite place to decompress at lunch or leave the office for lunch.
Practice and don’t overstress yourself early.
Take breaks from people.
Try to schedule your social time.
