My girlfriend and I are planning to move in together in ~3 months.

I own a small apartment in Amsterdam, my mortgage, heating, water and electricity is about 2000 Euro a month, and I earn 30% more than she does.

Some context: Amsterdam is damn expensive and in an housing crisis, since living here she’s been paying about 1000/m to rent a room. Both of us earn quite well and money isn’t tight

What is a fair way to split costs? I’ve heard everything from she should live here for free because I was paying for everything anyway to we should split everything 50/50, and I’m not sure what is fair.

I don’t think 50/50 is fair, because the way I see it, I’m going to get back a fair amount of the money I pay to my mortgage when I sell the apartment.

So what is fair? My gut feeling is something like we split the heating, electricity, groceries etc. 50/50. And she pays say 500 Euro a month for living here (less than half what she’s used to paying in rent)

  • ch00f@lemmy.world
    18·
    4 days ago

    When my wife (at the time girlfriend) moved in, we split the interest portion of the mortgage payment 50/50. Principle was 100% me. Utilities food and supplies were evenly split. Every bolted down upgrade I paid for 100%, but we decided to split paint since it mattered more to her.

    The idea was if she bolted, I would mostly be left with what I paid for. If we got married (we did), we’d combine finances and it wouldn’t matter anyway.

      • ch00f@lemmy.world
        2·
        2 days ago

        The logic is that she didn’t pay any equity into the house. That makes the situation similar to two people sharing the monthly rent on a rented apartment except they’re paying a bank and not the landlord.

        • mathemachristian[he]@lemmy.ml
          1·
          2 days ago

          it’s the cost of purchasing a house. Two people paying a landlord is more similar to having two girlfriends who pay off the mortgage. This is more like one person sharing the cost of the loan on a house they won’t get to keep.

          • ch00f@lemmy.world
            2·
            2 days ago

            Ok, but like it also doesn’t seem fair for the non-owner romantic partner to just get free rent, no?

            This is more like one person sharing the cost of the loan on a house they won’t get to keep.

            If the owner sells the property, they will not get back any of the money spent on interest. Thats the point. The assumption is that the principal is the best representation of the portion that the property owner gets to keep.

            • mathemachristian[he]@lemmy.ml
              1·
              16 hours ago

              well to me it doesn’t seem fair for the non-owner to help pay off the house and the other getting to own all of it.

              The price for owning that house is not just the loan but the interest as well. A home is more than a financial investment, but a necessity. Imagine buying a car that you let your SO use but insisting that she pay a quarter of the cost because the car loses half its value as soon as you drive it off the lot and it’s only fair that she pay half of that money thats “lost” but then keeping all the money once you sell the car to yourself

              • ch00f@lemmy.world
                1·
                15 hours ago

                A car loses its value when you drive it off the lot because it’s a depreciating asset. That money doesn’t go to the bank or the owner. It just vanishes.

                Besides, if your partner only helped pay the interest portion of the auto loan (which is what I’m proposing), the depreciating value of the car would be fully felt by you when you sell the car. They would just be out a few months of interest regardless of the sustained value of the car.

                Homes typically increase in value or at least hold value. When you sell your home, you won’t get back any of the money you gave to the bank as interest, but in theory everything else including your down payment will be returned to you.

                So to me it makes sense that while a partner is living with you and if they are committed to helping pay for utilities and whatnot, they can also contribute to the cost of living at the home. I believe helping to pay the interest is a fair and equitable way to do that.

                I mean when you’re renting a place you’re more than likely helping the owner pay off their loan anyway. It’s just another step removed.

                • mathemachristian[he]@lemmy.ml
                  11·
                  15 hours ago

                  When you sell your home, you won’t get back any of the money you gave to the bank as interest, but in theory everything else including your down payment will be returned to you.

                  and your partner would get nothing if she “bolted” even though she paid money so you could have it

                  I mean when you’re renting a place you’re more than likely helping the owner pay off their loan anyway. It’s just another step removed.

                  and you think thats fair??? “It’s a bit like I’m the landlord and my partner is the tenant” is the argument I’m trying to make