Researchers are ecstatic at the prospect that they may have finally discovered the region of space from which Ozzy Osbourne came to this planet.

Overthrow the tyrants that keep us in chains! Physically occupy residential property en masse and claim squatter’s rights. Bring back crucifixion for white collar criminals on Wall Street. Raid the pharmaceutical industry’s warehouses and distribute medication for free. In Minecraft, of course.

Boeing: Amtrak of the Skies. We’ll probably get you there safely.

“Our company is invested in the dynamic strategy of using people to solve problems. Person Intelligence or PI, as we call it. We know our strategy is out of favor now, but given that it has worked consistently throughout all of human history, we are hopeful for the future.”

Meanwhile, the economy rich people’s yacht money is doing fantastic by every metric.

“Fuck serenity. George is here for payback.”

Inside your vagina are two wolves…

Makes perfect sense. Bill Gates puts Chinese 5G into third party printer ink. It’s used to activate the spikes in vaccinations.

they will be deployed shortly afterwards by the police.

“You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of racism in the new drones, but what I said was: Give me all the racism you have.”

I find it to be derivative and banal, because I am very important and sophisticated and everything should always be about me. Look at me being smart on the internet. I’m a very special boy.

I like to Edge by using a defective browser over and over before I open Firefox and climax.

Holiday special: Make one campaign contribution at a fixed amount, get two more campaign contributions made on your credit card in variable amounts in the near future. Merry Christmas!

We must seize the means of not giving a fuck.

“Hi, I’m actor Mark Hammill. You might remember me from such unfinished games as Untitled Star Wars Game 3 and Untitled Star Wars Game 7.”

Oy! Y’got a loicense for that poi?

I tied a ROFLcopter to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to make a shitpost cost a cheeseburger, and in those days, cheeseburgers came with pictures of cats on 'em. “I can has cheezburger,” you’d say.

“Tell President Zuckerberg my only regret is that I have but one life to give to block his ads.”

If you can’t handle me at my rude and unreasonable chicken, you don’t deserve my strange juice.

Such a move would lead to an increase in “civility,” Haley believes. “When they know their pastor, their family members can see it, it’s going to help our kids and it’s going to help our country," she said.

That’s what everyone said about posting next to your real name on Facebook. How did that turn out?

Thou art a grammar Prussian, good sir.